Some of ya’ll may have seen this on my personal Facebook account (if you’re cool enough to be my friend ), but I thought I would share with the world. On November 9, 2014, I was baptized at church. While I was christened as an infant, I chose to be baptized through immersion as a symbol of my acceptance of Jesus Christ as an adult.
Part of this process at church was sharing my testimony, and I would like to share what I wrote with you all:
It is not often that something which sustains your life is also your enemy. For me, that was food. I have spent the last 5 years of my life struggling with an eating disorder. Before I came to Jesus Christ I was miserable – depressed, lonely, and anxious. I rarely smiled. There were a few times I even considered taking my own life. I went through the motions of the day, just hoping to get by. By night, I ate my feelings. I feel empty inside, like something was missing. Looking back, I think I ate to try to fill that void, but nothing ever worked.
Even though I had been raised a Christian, I drifted away from the church in high school and college. I didn’t prioritize my relationship with Jesus, and looking back, I realize that was the part that was missing.
My life changed one day when I was in a bookstore, poring over self-help books claiming to teach me the skills I needed to overcome my eating disorder. One in particular caught my eye – it didn’t make those claims. It claimed that in order to overcome my eating disorder, I needed to let Jesus Christ into my heart. And as I read the first chapter in the bookstore, I realized that the author was right. I wouldn’t recover unless I put my faith in God and let Him choose my path to recovery.
Since I have come back to Christ, I am much happier. I smile again. I am no longer afraid to experience feelings, because I put my faith in the fact that He will take care of me. I have been in treatment for my eating disorder since June and am slowly on the mend, physically, mentally, and emotionally. I no longer run to food when my emotions become overwhelming, and instead turn to Jesus Christ and the Bible.
Today, I am getting baptized in order to not only show my obedience to Jesus Christ but to celebrate my new life in Him and the plans He has laid for me.
That pretty much sums it up. I know that while I cannot expect Jesus to lead me to freedom from my eating disorder alone, he can guide me along the right path. I cannot sum up my thoughts and feelings better than the classic poem, “Footprints in the Sand”:
One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord. Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand. Sometimes there were two sets of footprints, other times there was one only.
This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints, so I said to the Lord,
“You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you, you would walk with me always. But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there has only been one set of footprints in the sand. Why, when I needed you most, have you not been there for me?”
The Lord replied, “The years when you have seen only one set of footprints, my child, is when I carried you.”
This song also sums it up. Currently my recovery anthem!